Oh yeah, those things

Did 2011 creep up on you, too?

2011, you creepy stalker, you. Has anyone ever told you that you look like Keanu Reeves?

Suddenly, everyone wants to talk about resolutions.  Or maybe it’s just me.  I think that we (and by “we”, I mean “I”) often make resolutions or set goals and then never check up on them.   We start the year with the spastic energy of small children, all excited and ready to take on the world.  We write down a few vague ideas, and then we get back to work or school, or whatever occupies our non-holiday life…and we promptly forget what it is we said we are going to accomplish.

Last year, I set some goals.  Remember?  I was so very proud of myself because I could actually see as far as the end of the year, and not just the end of the next wine bottle.

Something strong, something permanent, something to follow when the path gets murky. 

Did it get murky?  Oh hell, yes.  But how did I do?  Did having a few bread crumbs actually assist me in keeping to the path?*

Finances?  Important.  Budget.  Plan.  Monitor.

Uhh.  I’ve discovered that I’m not a fan of strict budgets.  But I’ve done alright.

Buy property.  Put down the roots that I’ve been reluctant to nurture.

I started looking for a place in January 2010, and bought a condo in February.  I moved in April.  

Thank you, Mr. President.

To be honest, even though I’d been through this process as part of a couple, it was tremendously scary doing it alone.  All of the negotiating, paperwork, logistics, risk…but here I am, part of the propertied class, with all of its glamour and privileges.  I’ll expand upon that in a future post. 

Work plans?  Now that I have a career, I should probably have career goals.

Midway through 2010, career goals were basically thrust onto me, like a bad French kiss.  The workload and stress it caused are two of the reasons why this blog saw so little action in 2010.  And that’s about all I’m going to say about that.

Re-learn my French?  No, I’d rather learn Hindi. 

Yeah, this totally didn’t happen either.   Yet, the language barrier hasn’t seemed to affect my enjoyment of quality Bollywood films.

Travel someplace new and exotic.

I went to Boston!  That counts as someplace new.  Exotic?  Ehhhhh, not so much.   Calgary?  I went there twice in 2010, and I’d never been there before.   Exotic Calgary, the “Middle East” of North America.  Right?  Right?

This is what happens when your “career goals” get in the way of “travel goals”.  Next?

Finish the novel.  This also requires starting the novel.

Next.

Do yoga.  Work out.  Watch less TV.  Go to the theatre more often.

I went to the theatre more often, and plan to go more often in 2011.  In fact, I may have developed a bit of an addiction to live theatre.  However,  in 2010, I also developed an addiction to The Bachelor.    I think these two addictions balance each other out nicely.  Like Yin and Yeeech.

Based on this (entirely impartial) review, I think I’d give 2010 a solid B+.

And yes, I have a few new goals for 2011 – just a few more breadcrumbs to help me find my way.

*  Of course, in the original story of Hansel and Gretel, the trail of bread crumbs is eaten by birds, which only strengthens my theory that birds are evil.

Now I know why Van Gogh Went Crazy and Cut off his Own Ear

Do paint fumes kill brain cells?

All signs point to yes.

In my infinite wisdom, I decided that I would use a portion of my first real vacation of 2010 (from December 23rd to January 4, 2011)* to paint my new** condo. 

Why did I choose to paint it myself instead of hiring a painter?

a) I am a go-getter with moxie and energy to spare.

b)  I want to experience the pride that comes with engaging in a  DIY project (and anything involving a drill is still out of the question).

c)  I was gouged the last time I hired painters, but was so afraid that they would come back and break my legs with the illegal key copy they undoubtedly made that I agreed to their terms.

d)  I am a $%^&! moron.***

Armed with this logic, I pranced off to my local Canadian Tire to choose my weapons of mass destruction.   All of the walls would be painted a very trendy grey colour named “Veil”.  The accent walls would be painted a very warm and jaunty colour named “Bonnie Bell”.  One cab ride and a glass of red wine later, I was ready to attack.

Now, the first roll of the brush onto a stark white wall is always a bit of a shock.   But Bonnie turned out to be less of a burnt…something and a bit more…well…bright LEGO orange…than I thought.

It was now evening .  “I’ll paint the whole wall and see what it looks like in the morning”.

That night, when the clock struck midnight, I was visited by two ghosts.

"Naeeeeee!!! Ya canna paeeent a wall orrrrrange, ya wee chickeee!"

The ghosts of Colin and Justin roused me from my slumber, and dragged me out into the living room to look at what I had wrought.  

The wall was like the giant monolith from 2001, except that it was orange.

“What have I done, Colin and Justin?!?” I howled, “WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?”  I began sweating profusely.  “Is it too late for me?”

They pointed with cold, yet fabulously manicured hands at the receipt on the dining room table.

“Are you trying to tell me that I have to go back?  Back to the store?”

A paint chip lay next to the receipt.   I knew what I had to do.

The next morning, I trundled off to the Canadian Tire and bought a gallon of “Downing Street”.  Brick red, and very dignified.  Very Churchillian.

*  I am planning on taking my 2011 vacation on or about 2020.

**  Yes, I moved in at the end of April.  Keep in mind that it took me THREE YEARS from move in date to paint a previous condo.  This is relatively quick by comparison.

***  DING DING DING!  We have a winner.

It’s like being a lapsed Catholic, but worse

In 2010, you wrote 28 new posts.

Thanks, WordPress.com Stats Helper Monkeys, for pointing that out to me. 

What the hell was I doing in 2010?  I wrote only 28 posts?

Was I curing cancer?  Recovering from cancer?  Building a house? Getting knocked up with triplets?  Appearing on Broadway?  Appearing in Playboy?  Marrying Hugh Hefner?

Well, no.

We think you did great!

That’s very kind, WordPress.com Monkeys, but I think it kinda sucks, actually.  I used to be able to knock out a solid 500 words daily* with no problem, and now…28 posts in 2011?

You haven’t blogged since 2004.

That is a much more honest assessment from a friend.   It’s been far too long.

You should always be writing.  You’re very talented.

Aw, that’s very sweet.  But it’s very time consuming. 

To be honest, it’s easier to write when one’s life is a bit of a calamity.  It’s also easier to write when it’s done anonymously.  Lots of juicy, angsty material, and no danger of one’s mother finding out about that time you woke up on the floor of…well, never mind.

In 2010, calamity is a word that pretty much dropped out of my vocabulary.  The edges have smoothed off a little, the skin is a little thicker, and the fog has lifted enough to allow me to see a little farther down the road.  Writing about those things now makes me feel like a twelve-year old writing in a pink diary with a big, fluffy purple pen.  I’d like to think that I’ve matured since I started blogging in 2008, and the writing should reflect those changes.

It’s time to start writing about more interesting things, more often.  But like the rest of my out-of-shape muscles, the writing skills require some careful coaxing and stretching.

Happy 2011, everyone.  It’s going to be an interesting year.

* This includes drunken rambling.