We both know we’ve been growing apart over the past few months. A few unreturned messages here, a few unanswered questions there. I suppose I always knew this day would finally come, and to be honest, I’ve been avoiding it.
But today I decided that I can no longer avoid the painful truth.
I don’t want to feel guilty every time our schedules don’t align. I’m sick of making excuses when I’m running late at work.
Or, truthfully, when I don’t want to spend time with you at all.
I wonder if I’m really just afraid of a commitment. I’ve been accused of that in the past, and it might be true. In my rush to be everything to everyone, maybe I’m nothing to no one. Maybe I do spread myself too thinly.
But that’s exactly why I’m doing this. I need some time to myself to determine what it is that I really want, and how I want to spend my limited amounts of time and energy.
It feels worse somehow, because I know I was your first, in a lot of ways. I know you trusted my judgment, and you relied on my support. I miss those happier times, when we seemed to be in perfect sync. You left me exhausted, drenched in sweat, wondering if I’d be able to walk the next day – and yet also perfectly content, relaxed and at peace with the world. You opened my mind, heart and body in ways that I could not have imagined were possible.
To be fair to myself, I’m not the only one who’s changed. You seem to be more interested in others, and that’s taken away from the time you could give to me. Sometimes, it doesn’t seem as though you’re interested in my needs at all.
Maybe one day, we’ll meet again and things will be different.
But for now, it’s time to move on.
Goodbye, yoga studio. Namaste.