Just in case you had it all figured out

I was enjoying a hangover-curing triple-decker grilled cheese sandwich with a friend at Shanghai Cowgirl when I happened to mention a disagreement I had earlier in the week.

“So,” I said,  in between bites of greasy, cheesy goodness, “This other male friend of mine was upset because he received some less-than-polite responses to his attempts to be a gentleman.”

“What kinds of attempts?”  My friend was enjoying eggs (over hard…ew…what’s the point?), after wrestling with a patio umbrella in a failed plan to protect my other-worldly pale extremities from also frying to a crisp.

“Well, for example, he complimented a woman on her shoes.”

“He’s gay?”


“Hmmm.  Yeah, that’s not right.  Men don’t compliment women on their shoes.”

“That’s what I said!”

He paused.  “Unless they’re really great shoes.  That may not be a pick up.”

“It’s always a pick up.”

“You always assume that a man is trying to pick you up?”  My friend feigned indignance (quite well, I might add).  “We’re not always trying to pick you up, you know.”

“Have you ever been stuck in an elevator and have a man sniff you?  And ask you if you’re what smells “so good” in the elevator?”

“Now that’s just creepy.  And wrong.  Just wrong.”

“Yeah, those were the longest sixteen floors of my life.   But I think my friend was justified when he mentioned that he lit a woman’s cigarette.  That woman shouldn’t have assumed it was a pick up.  It’s just being polite.”

“No, that one’s definitely a pick up.  Why else would you light a cigarette?  There’s no other reason to smoke really, except to be around women who smoke.  That’s always a pick up.”

“But you just said it’s not always a pick up.”

“No, we’re pretty much always trying to pick you up.”




14 Responses to “Just in case you had it all figured out”

  1. September 8, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Ha. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t…

  2. 2 shoeboxdweller
    September 8, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    It’s nice to know that we’re all equally screwed.

  3. September 8, 2009 at 3:05 pm

    I could watch that movie on repeat for the better part of a week and not tire of it.

  4. September 8, 2009 at 7:31 pm

    It’s almost always a pick up. At least, that’s how it starts. And it differs from local to local, as pointed out to me in a washroom in a bar in Toronto, from the guy from Quebec.

    He says “it’s so hard to pick up women around here! What’s with that!”

    And I said “leaving your fly open and slapping them in the ass with your willy doesn’t count down here. You have to be clever. And asking them how they like their poutine the next morning doesn’t count.”

    He didn’t get it.

  5. 6 shoeboxdweller
    September 8, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    I dunno…the promise of poutine might do it for me.

  6. 7 f.B
    September 9, 2009 at 2:10 am

    It’s so cliché, but we’ve long been at the point where picking someone up is easiest when we’re not even trying. So much gets lost in communication between men and women that it’s better when neither of us sees it coming and we don’t impute a whole string of expectations.`

    • 8 shoeboxdweller
      September 9, 2009 at 12:50 pm

      Ahh, imputed expectations…aka the “silent killer”. It’s a cliche, but I think I will needlepoint it and hang it on my wall. Or tattoo it on my forward.

  7. September 9, 2009 at 3:54 am

    ROFL. I’ve had this very same conversation with almost every guy I know. I have to admit, though, even when I’m not in the mood for a pick-up, if a guy compliments my shoes, it kinda makes my day.

  8. 11 Marie
    September 9, 2009 at 3:46 pm

    Hahaha! Yeah, they pretty much are trying most of the time.

    Some guy sniffed you in the elevator? Ew, very creepy. Did you give him a nasty look?

  9. September 11, 2009 at 6:44 pm

    I love that you referenced WHMS in this because that about covers it. 🙂

    I do think men can operate out of politeness but most often that isn’t the primary motivation.

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