19
Sep
09

These Are the People in Your Neighbourhood

First things first…thanks to BlogTO for listing VFTS as a “Local Blog” under their Toronto Links and Resources.   Much appreciated!

***

Last week, I received the following letter. Technically, it was addressed to my landlord, but hey, I’m his proxy, right?

Re: Window Coverings:

Dear A’s Landlord:

We are writing on behalf of Anal Condo Corporation #666. On a recent inspection of the premises it was noted that your window coverings are not white or off white.

You may not be aware, but the condo rules require that all window coverings must be white or off white (facing the exterior of the building). Please arrange to have a white or off white liner installed no later than April 28, 2009.

Thanking you in advance for your kind co-operation in matter [sic].

Sincerely,

Annoying Management Services
Agents for an on behalf of A.C.C. #666.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was pissed. I spent a great deal of money on my gorgeous RED window coverings, and wasn’t relishing the idea of spending even more money, time and energy installing white liners.

This is why I hate condo living. Everyone spying and snitching on each other. No one “inspected” my apartment. They stood on the street and counted windows to figure out where the rogue red curtain owner lived.

This week, after installing my condo-approved Eggshell curtain liners, I found the following note stuck in my door (as did the rest of my neighbours):

To the People living at 123 Sesame Street,

You probably don’t know, but there is a DRUG DEALER living in your building. He deals crack, heroin, meth and coke. He rents Apt. XXX, has a white pit bull and his phone number is 647-555-5555.

Why am I telling you this?

Because last week, he HIT me and pulled a knife on my boyfriend. We were buying coke from him and he was messed up and arguing. Believe me, his violence is what got him evicted from the last place.

Get this scum OUT of your building, before it’s too late.

Apparently, it’s all right to be pit-bull owning drug dealer, as long as your window coverings are white or off-white.

Apparently, these are my neighbours.

 These are the people in my neighbourhood.

And of course, I couldn’t let this moment pass without sharing one of my favourite Sesame Street moments…skip to 1:00 see Ralph “I’m not a spoiler” Nader tear off Bob’s sweater.  Classic.

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8 Responses to “These Are the People in Your Neighbourhood”


  1. September 19, 2009 at 8:54 pm

    Better the drug dealer than Ralph Nader ripping your clothes off. Yaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!

  2. 3 rogerB
    September 19, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    HILARIOUS… A ‘consumer advocate’ and a ‘wimbledon star’ are people in your neighborhood?? Apparently Bob and Oscar don’t live near the shoebox and haven’t bumped into the ‘drug dealer’, ‘drug buyer’, or curtain-tattle-tale-er

  3. September 21, 2009 at 12:31 pm

    Umm, is it just me or does someone who purchases something like COCAINE maybe should expect some shit like that?

    And perhaps maybe she should just like, not do the shit and report somebody pulling a knife on her to the police?

    Just a thought.

    Which is why I’m glad that I didn’t buy a condo. I have a completely detached house with a huge backyard for the dog, a huge garage for my truck and tools, and I can make the place as damned ugly as I want.

    Oh.

    I don’t have to hear my neighbors screaming at each other or smell their disgusting cooking.

    What is attractive about condo living again?

  4. 7 Marie
    September 21, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    So people can buy crack and kill each other but since you don’t have off-white or white or whatever the hell color for shades then YOU are in the wrong?! Send these people over so I can smack them.


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