The Most Effective Form of Birth Control

We’re sitting opposite each other at a high-top bar table at the Sin and Redemption.  Dark beer and red wine, to celebrate commiserate the sudden chilly turn in the weather.

At some point, the conversation turns to tales of past misdeeds.

“Remember how I told you about the girlfriend that I dated all through high school?”

“Mmm hmmm.”  Eyebrow raise.

“We got pregnant the very first time we ever did it.  Fourteen.”

Gulp.  “Oh.  Well, that sucks.  Aren’t the odds of that happening on a par with being struck by lightning?”

“I also got my ex-wife pregnant within a week of trying for a baby.  That was kind of disappointing, because I was hoping it would take longer.”  He winks.  “I’m like a magic silver bullet.”

Awkward, slightly mortified laughter.  Then silence. 

I am unable to stop myself from filling the void, like a rush of graceless air entering a romantic vacuum.

“Wow.  You should bottle that stuff.”


"We've got you surrounded!"

"We've got you surrounded!"


23 Responses to “The Most Effective Form of Birth Control”

  1. September 30, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    I’m guessing you opted not to take him home.

  2. 3 Ray
    September 30, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Great, Snay stole my comment.

  3. 5 Marie
    September 30, 2009 at 1:43 pm

    Stay far far away from this one! Well, unless you want kids.

  4. September 30, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    Kind of strange that he talked about this so casually, no?? And at a bar. On a date…

    I would have had nightmares, too.

  5. September 30, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    …omg. omg. turns out there is some truth to the long-fabled early relationship eject button.

    you’d have to get in bed wearing a flak suit with that guy.

  6. 11 Judi
    September 30, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    Run away! Run away! Keep running! I would have nightmares too…

  7. September 30, 2009 at 7:57 pm

    That guy is not so smart. I would have said my sperm did the opposite of pregnant.

    Which i guess would be a permanent period. Also not good.

  8. September 30, 2009 at 8:37 pm

    This happened to my best friend as well. Only in his case it was twins.

    In your case, not only would I have avoided his beer, I’d have been afraid of breathing the same air. You never know what he’s exhaling.

  9. 19 artful_roger
    October 1, 2009 at 12:01 am

    Wish I had been there to witness the facial expressions… would have been quite an entertaining conversation! Suddenly all my date conversations seem lame/tame… I’m wondering if this guy’s TMI approach is the norm??

  10. October 1, 2009 at 12:19 am

    “I’m like a magic silver bullet.”

    Not only is that bad if you don’t want to make babies, it also sounds like an, um, speed issue.

  11. October 1, 2009 at 9:04 pm

    “Wow. You should bottle that stuff.”

    There’s a visual I can do without.

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