We’re sitting opposite each other at a high-top bar table at the Sin and Redemption. Dark beer and red wine, to celebrate commiserate the sudden chilly turn in the weather.
At some point, the conversation turns to tales of past misdeeds.
“Remember how I told you about the girlfriend that I dated all through high school?”
“Mmm hmmm.” Eyebrow raise.
“We got pregnant the very first time we ever did it. Fourteen.”
Gulp. “Oh. Well, that sucks. Aren’t the odds of that happening on a par with being struck by lightning?”
“I also got my ex-wife pregnant within a week of trying for a baby. That was kind of disappointing, because I was hoping it would take longer.” He winks. “I’m like a magic silver bullet.”
Awkward, slightly mortified laughter. Then silence.
I am unable to stop myself from filling the void, like a rush of graceless air entering a romantic vacuum.
“Wow. You should bottle that stuff.”
"We've got you surrounded!"
The View From the Shoebox 
I’m guessing you opted not to take him home.
You are a wise and perceptive fellow, Snay.
Great, Snay stole my comment.
Ooh, that Snay. He’s a tricky one.
Stay far far away from this one! Well, unless you want kids.
I had a nightmare about giant sperm chasing me home from the bar.
Kind of strange that he talked about this so casually, no?? And at a bar. On a date…
I would have had nightmares, too.
I used my lasso of truth on him.
…omg. omg. turns out there is some truth to the long-fabled early relationship eject button.
you’d have to get in bed wearing a flak suit with that guy.
I wanted a sip of his beer, but I was afraid it might knock me up.
Run away! Run away! Keep running! I would have nightmares too…
There’s something so Monty Python and the Holy Grail-ish about that comment.
I can hear the sound of coconuts
That guy is not so smart. I would have said my sperm did the opposite of pregnant.
Which i guess would be a permanent period. Also not good.
You’re right, I was totally going to put out until he made those admissions. Bad strategy on his part.
In that case, I’ve gotten a vasectomy. Don’t ask questions when I put on the condom 😛
This happened to my best friend as well. Only in his case it was twins.
In your case, not only would I have avoided his beer, I’d have been afraid of breathing the same air. You never know what he’s exhaling.
I think my uterus actually recoiled in fear. It’s now hiding somewhere behind my pancreas, and refuses to come out.
Wish I had been there to witness the facial expressions… would have been quite an entertaining conversation! Suddenly all my date conversations seem lame/tame… I’m wondering if this guy’s TMI approach is the norm??
That was just the tip of the iceberg.
“I’m like a magic silver bullet.”
Not only is that bad if you don’t want to make babies, it also sounds like an, um, speed issue.
Or a Coors Light commercial.
“Wow. You should bottle that stuff.”
There’s a visual I can do without.